The Legend of Gimli's Hammer
by The Hamma
Summary: One night, 3 gentlemen swap spooky stories for what turns out to be a very fun night.


The Legend of Gimli's Hammer

"Alright! Who's ready for spooooooooky stories!?" exclaimed Aragorn. Legolas sighed in disappointment, "I really don't feel like tonight is a night to tell stupid stories Aragorn. It's a cold, rainy, thunder and lightning night out and I really just want to stare at the beauty of this night instead of disrespecting its rarity with dumb stories." "Don't be such a stick in the mud! For every one story you tell, I'll tell two!" yelled Gimli from across the inn's room. "Sigh...okay..." said Legolas as Aragorn marched over to the bonfire with a few pints for them all. "I'll go first then," said Aragorn, "Once upon a time...a small village in Rohan...reported that their food supply started to decrease every night with no one being able to find out how. So they hired a guard, to watch the food from sun down to sun up...he stayed seated the entire time, even when the leader of the town came to check how the food was, he stayed seating. 'Thank you for guarding the food, maybe it was just our imagination playing tri...Kobie?' asked the leader, only to see that his hired guard had been dead for hours, an estimated 14 hours...the time in which he had sat down to guard the supply. Everyone in the village panicked as the leader told them this news, but he assured them that he would find out what was going on. This is where I come in...as I was passing by, the leader asked of my assistance, knowing of my achievements already, I didn't hesitate to say yes. That night I stood in the shadows of the room awaiting what sort of creature would march into this supply room and start stealing food. As soon as the sun was below the horizon, out of the opposite corner of the room, I heard a bit of rustling, and drew my sword as quietly as I could. 'Precious...I've come for you, but I just can't find you' I heard come from the same corner. I hacked at the voice, but hit nothing but a sack of food. 'You dare try to kill! I will tear you to pieces!' exclaimed the creature and I hacked yet again towards the voice, only to hit another sack of food. This went on for another two hours, and I had been injured several times by whatever this creature was before I finally heard a strange ping and rolling sound. 'PRECIOUS!' exclaimed this creature one last time before I heard absolute silence. I ran outside to see if I could find anything or anyone who saw anything but everyone was still asleep. When the sun came up, I was alone in the room with no signs of anything but myself ever being there and no other entrances in the room. The leader came in and saw the mess and asked what happened...I told him everything and he laughed, gathered a few people to pick up all the food and counted it, noting that all of it was still there from the night before. I stayed three more nights, with nothing ever happening in the supply room and no food turning up missing again. The leader held a party for me saying that I had gotten rid of 'the creature' stealing their food...but I knew...that this was no mere creature...it was...A GHOST!" exclaimed Aragorn. Legolas and Gimli sitting in silence as the conclusion of the story came."Uhh, thats all you got?" asked Legolas. "Yes! And it was a true story!" exclaimed Aragorn as Legolas and Gimli burst into tears from laughter. "Whatever...Legolas you're up next." pouted Aragorn. "Okay okay, well my story takes place in Gondor and before anyone asks, I was there on business." said Legolas as Gimli and Aragorn listened with anticipation. "I went to visit White Tree on my way to inquire a rumor that someone found new plants a all healing medicine could be made from. And heard a raspy voice coming from behind it. As I walked around, I saw no one but i sensed the presence of something. Shrugging it off, I walked into the woods to find said plant all the while feeling that same presence from earlier. As soon as I hit the halfway point of the woods, I heard the raspy voice again, but it was coming from everywhere so I armed my bow and shot arrows in every direction only to hit 23 birds...but the raspy voice was still there, finally forming words...'Silly hobbitsies! Filthy creatures!'Nasty little hobbitsies!' as I heard thunks behind me, only to turn around and see the bodies of 3 hobbits laying motionless that weren't there before. I ran to them and realized that they were half alive, but were in very terrible shape. The only thing that could save them would be the rumored plant I had heard of...but after an hour of searching for it, they died and I never found it...the raspy voice laughed as it echoed further and further away from me...I buried them all and gave them warrior names and put a flower that I found in the woods that resembled a common flower but had an extra leaf on it. To this day I believe that a ghost killed them and left them for me to give a proper burial..." "Hahahaha!" erupted from both Gimli and Aragorn. "You both have no taste for great stories!" yelled Legolas as Gimli stood and exclaimed that it was his time to shine with two stories. "Boy's, I'll tell you the legend of my hammer! That turned myself from a boy, to a man!" "Err, Gimli, if that's true, why do you use an axe now?" asked Legolas. "Shut up! It's my story!" exclaimed Gimli, "Okay where was I? Oh yea, so I don't have a scary story because I fear nothing! But this story is scary according to everyone I ever tell it to. So I was watching two girls train together and they were really going at it! Sweat, blood, sexy stuff. I got a tiny bit around and kind of whistled, they saw me and I ran off trying to not let them be able to recognize me. I ran really far into the woods, still pretty aroused and I was going to just let one out but I heard the leaves rustle behind me and the screech of what sounded like a tone deaf cat. So I swung around and this thing of all fours came flying at me but was knocked away by my hammer! It yelled "Dwarf?! Ugh! Thought you were dirty hobbit!" and skittered off. I was so turned off by that I lost it and boom! It hit the ground and started a small earthquake that everyone, plus three babies in Rohan felt. The end." "Uhhhhhh, that wasn't scary..." said Aragorn. "It is if you've seen my hammer! Imagine it hitting the ground and starting an earthquake!" yelled Gimli. "Okay, whatever, no one will ever believe that Gimli. Time for your second story." said Legolas and Gimli turned blood red. "How about I show you guys my hammer, and start another earthquake? How's that for a second story?!" yelled Gimli. "Okay, how you gonna do that tough guy?" asked Legolas just as Aragorn started kissing the nape of his neck."How about we turn him on?" asked Aragorn. "Not now." said Legolas but Gimli was quite mesmerized by the site. "Oh no, continue. Keep at it." he said. Aragorn reaching into Legolas' clothing nothing rubbing his hands all over his body while kissing and biting at his neck. "You love this don't you Legolas?" asked Argorn as Legolas moaned in excitement. Both making out and grabbing at each other, Gimli watched with excitement. Legolas took charge and started kissing and licking Aragorn's chest while moving further and further down to reveal Aragorn's "smithing hammer." Smiling, Legolas kissed it and looked back at Gimli to see him wide eyed watching as he swallowed it whole. Gimli's hammer had finally been revealed. "Gimli, that's more of a sword than a hammer!" yelled Legolas in pure ecstasy as Gimli slowly entered him from behind. "Oh no, I call it a hammer because of the sound it makes when it hits the ground." Each men switched positions, from biting and kissing, to kissing and licking, to licking and entering and after 30 minutes of a hot, passionate, session all three of them lay there in exhaustion..."Gimli, what ever happened to that earthquake huh? Hahaha." asked Aragorn just as the entire inn shook and three planks from the floor caved in. "I just lost my excitement! Ha! Now that's a second story, we should make a third someday!" exclaimed Gimli as Legolas peered out the window, enjoying the sunrise.


End file.
